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Monday, June 02, 2008


"Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly."

Initially I was really depressed to see that since June of last year, 61% of an entire translation of the Bible has been produced in LOLCatSpeak. Here in Mozambique, it has taken us ten long years to produce a measly handful of books for the Nyungwe Bible. But, I'll rejoice with those who rejoice, as it were, and share 1 Timothy 1 from (HT: JK Gayle)

1 O hai Timothy, dis is Paul. Ceiling Cat makeded me an apossel of Christ Jebus.2 I iz riting you cuz ur lik mai reel kitteh. U can has grase n mercy n peece from Ceiling Cat n his kitteh teh Christ Jebus.3 When I tooked mah invisible bicycle to Masedoneea, I asked u to be a gud kitteh n stai at Efesus n tel othr kittehs to stop speekin different ideas,4 dat tehy not lissen 2 mifs or fambly trees dat go on n on n on. Teh mifs n fambly treez makes teh kittehs fight n distractz dem from fayth in Ceiling Cat. Iz sayin u dat agin now.5 But Iz not mad and u should no dat; iz cuz of luv an conscience an fayth.6 Sum peeps talkin vain talk;7 dey wanna teech da law but dey no unnerstan wut dey even sayin.8 We knowz da law is good when cats followz it;9 nobody makeded da law for rychus cats, dey makeded it for bad mean cats dat doesnt luv Ceiling Cat, dat killz momz n dadz n other cats,10 n for cats dat lieks buttsecks 2 much,11 accordin 2 da gospel of Ceiling Cat which got giveded 2 me.12 Ceiling Cat FTW cuz he noez I r faythful n he makeded me his servant,13 even tho I useded 2 say bad thingz n persekyute othr cats n stuff: he showed me I r doin it rong,14 n now I'z ok.15 Iz faythful n good 2 say dat Jebus came 2 da world 2 help us stop doin it rong. I useta be da worst of all,16 but Christ Jebus gaveded me mercy n now Jebus showz evryone how much he sufferd, so they can has eternal life 2.17 Dear Invisibl Ceiling Cat, u pwn; plz hav honor n glory 4ever kthxbai.18 OK Timothy, now iz time 4 u 2 fite da good fite,19 wif fayth n good conscience n stuff,20 not liek Hymenaeus n Alexander cuz dey say bad stuffs about Ceiling Cat, so I makeded them go 2 hel HAHAHAHAHA lusers.

This isn't a computer-generated adaptation of the KJV. It is a thoughtful (17), humorous (20), and possibly offensive (10) translation. Is this a Better Bible? I'm thinking not necessarily of the translation itself, but the concept of crowd-sourcing a Bible translation for a niche audience.



At Tue Jun 03, 02:56:00 AM, Blogger Glennsp said...

It's not a better anything. What a colossal waste of time and effort.
This is on a par with the Bible in Klingon, pointless and irrelevant.

The only true niche audiences are tribes and people groups with a real language, not this artificial nonsense.

At Tue Jun 03, 05:01:00 AM, Blogger J. K. Gayle said...

Well, who knows what to do with LOLCatBible? I think we should hear many more catty comments.

>Clearly it's the cats' revenge for all those nasty things Aristotle wrote about them in his History of Animals, that botched biology he compiled on Lesbos in which he observed females have fewer teeth than males.

>>Of cats Aristotle observed (and hide your eyes little ones and females!):

Οἱ δ’ αἴλουροι οὐκ ὄπισθεν συνίοντες, ἀλλ’ ὁ μὲν ὀρθός, ἡ δὲ θήλεια ὑποτίθησιν αὑτήν· εἰσὶ δὲ τὴν φύσιν αἱ θήλειαι ἀφροδισιαστικαί, καὶ προσάγονται τοὺς ἄρρενας εἰς τὰς ὀχείας, καὶ συνοῦσαι κράζουσιν.

In English, part of that goes like this:

"...and the female cat puts herself in submission underneath him; and, by the way, the female cat is peculiarly lecherous, and wheedles the male cat on" (Book V, Sect. 2)

>Clearly it's the cats' revenge for being completely excluded from the Bible, until Jeremiah comes along, and writes his Letter of Jeremiah, which never makes it into the canon, because of the cat mention:

>>verse 21, ἐπὶ τὸ σῶμα αὐτῶν καὶ ἐπὶ τὴν κεφαλὴν ἐφίπτανται νυκτερίδες, χελιδόνες καὶ τὰ ὄρνεα, ὡσαύτως δὲ καὶ οἱ αἴλουροι.

or, "Bats, swallows, and birds light on their bodies and heads; and so do cats."


Other weird stuff:

>On the "Discussion" page, one "jobe" confesses, "I'm actually using They have a ton of different translations.I particularly use the 'Message' translation. Puts it close to modern language, so it makes it one step closer."

>>and when look at, I see that Petersen's The Message really is the ONLY English version that actually includes cats.

>The Cats' banner sponsor ads are very different:

1)'s offer to let you cell phone in your prayers and tears to the Wailing Wall (and if you register now, you get 3 minutes for free!)

2)'s offer for its "free newsletters" among all the other stuff you can buy.

But David I think you do get us thinking about translation. What if such a wiki could be set up so we humans collaborated on translating a better Bible, the way the cats are trying?

At Tue Jun 03, 05:16:00 AM, Blogger Nathan Stitt said...

Wow. The insanity knows no bounds. I had no idea someone would take the time to put the Bible into internet slang, sheesh. I find myself agreeing with Glenn; despite the initial humor it is a bit sad really.

At Tue Jun 03, 05:40:00 AM, Blogger scott gray said...

does jim west know about this? i would think he'd feel compelled to use this translation every sunday from the pulpit.

there's a translation in klingon? i don't get out much.

At Wed Jun 04, 05:49:00 AM, Blogger Michael said...


At Wed Jun 04, 02:31:00 PM, Blogger Eutychus said...

I'm glad you've found the lolcat Bible. As someone who was conversant with lolcat long before the Bible version, I found it strikingly refreshing in much the same way as the Message or the Street Bible.

Not designed to be read as a literal translation but a great way of bringing new freshness to familiar passages.

At Mon Jun 09, 03:00:00 PM, Blogger Augustus Toplady said...

What a repulsive new age piece of trash. You would do better with your time helping these socially retarded indivciduals to write in English.

This is the worst example of Newspeak; Big Brother would love it. A group of emotionally and educationally crippled individuals, unable to read or write in English, thus unable to understand the great secular and Godly literature of the past.


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